.....Yeah, yeah, yeah.....I know what many of you who are 'regulars' to these pages are thinking: "Finally! He's updated his website!" What can I say?? I've been busy lately. All of my updates tend to be tedious, manual processes. Recently I bought Frontpage 98 so hopefully my updates will be a lot easier (and a lot more frequent). This year I'll also try to move this stuff to an NT sever(hmmmm.....or maybe Win98?....I dunno). But now, since I have some catching up to do, let me begin my rantings..........

On my neighbors.........

OK, last 'month' I ranted about the note the cab driver left on my door(I keep a pad on my door in case I have to leave the delivery person a message or someone stops by and I'm not home). In the month before I moved to my current digs I received the following strange message:

If anyone can figure this one out please tell me. Is it a death threat? Love letter? I'm baffled.

Something a little less cryptic is the following:

OK, it was late one night. All the other 'free' parking spots were occupied. I said to myself at the time that I was just going to park in the spot, unload the stuff in the car, and re-park it somewhere in the back forty. I was tired. I fell asleep. Eight hours later I walk outside and find the above bit of nastiness. Well, I can't really rant in this case. The complaint is valid and justified. Shame.....shame on me....

On 'friends' .........

friend: n. 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. 3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

Over the years I've analyzed 'friends' and 'friendship'. Some would say that a friend is difficult to define. Others would say that a friend is a relative concept that cannot be defined. Those aspects that constitute a true friend are still a mystery to me but I can say that after careful observations 'friends' tend to fall into one or more of 12 distinct categories:

1. 'Bizzaro' or freak friend. This type of friend typically has behavior that is not only stranger than yours but strange to society in general. He/she never ceases to amaze you with their mannerisms and/or attire(Kramer from the TV show 'Seinfeld' is a classic example).
   
   
2. Conditional friends. Friends that fall into this category are people you would normally avoid but due to their position or occupation you find it advantageous to maintain a close relationship with them(for the time when you may need something that they can provide). Examples include concert promoters, truck owners, close friends of your boss, doctors, and lawyers.
   
   
3. Rich friends. Rich friends typically pay for most of the meals and events when you hang-out with them and often they have the latest 'cool' toys and gadgets that are on the market(or off!). You are frequently impressed and sometimes envious of their costly wardrobes, stereo equipment, car(s), art, and other material possessions. Maintaining an association with a rich friend not only provides you with an opportunity to experience aspects of a lifestyle you may never have but also can come in handy when you are low on dough.
   
   
4. Contemporary friend. This would be an individual whose income, age, and education level is virtually identical to yours. If you share the same or similar occupations then a certain degree of competitiveness may exist between you. A relationship is maintained with this individual in order to self-affirm your own accomplishments and social achievements. A contemporary friend may also be someone you've known and maintained constant contact with since childhood or adolescence(aka: a friend by attrition).
   
   
5. 'Brainiac' or smart friend. There are times in life when you are confronted with a task that you do not posses the knowledge and/or experience to complete. A smart friend is used for these occasions. Even though you may rarely hang-out with them because of their nerdiness or condescending nature, you communicate with them frequently so when the time comes you can tap into their knowledge and expertise.
   
   
6. Plato friends. These are friends that consider you an expert on matters concerning life, love, and camcorders. Your advice guides them through life. You are Socrates and they are Plato. Under certain circumstances your advice can become a narcotic to them. Extreme caution should be used when fostering this type of friendship.
   
   
7. Minion friends. Often the sole reason for maintaining this type of friend is for your ego. At some level you may derive pleasure or satisfaction at manipulating their actions and thoughts. In social situations they follow your lead. Minion friends usually place you on their top 5 list of 'cool' people. Their loyalty to you may be unwavering and near absolute.
   
   
8. Celebrity friend. Examples of a celebrity friend include a famous actor, athlete, model, musician, politician, or someone known by most of the community. Having a celebrity as a friend is a means of increasing your own level of social prominence and recognition.
   
   
9. Filler friend. A friend of this type is usually called upon when you need an extra 'body' for a social function. Filler friends may serve as designated drivers, players in a card game, or personal 'buffers' in an attempt to quell unwanted advances or interactions with others.
   
   
10. Libation friend(aka: drinking buddy). This is pretty much self-explanatory.
    
    
11. Sexual magnet friend. Friends that are 'chic' or 'hunk' magnets typically have physical(and in the rare occasion mental) attributes that are not only 'superior' to your own but also rapidly attract potential sexual companions whenever they enter social settings. Since your looks and personality can only get you so far, you invite or accompany them to social functions with hopes of increasing your chances of scoring a mate.
    
    
12. Reality friends. A reality friend is a person whose lifestyle and/or life experiences are common and representative of society at large. This type of friend is often consulted when one fears their lifestyle, experiences, and/or actions are becoming 'out of touch' with the mainstream world.

On airplane travel.....

Because of the nature of my job I have to fly a lot. I don't necessarily like flying but ....bills have to be paid. Even after 16 months of almost weekly flying, there are still a few things about air travel that mystify me.

First, why is it that people act-up in first class? Now when I say act-up I'm referring to behavior that creates a full-blown 'scene' that causes heads to turn and jaws to drop. Passengers in first class should be well-behaved and consider themselves lucky. Case in point: a few months ago I was boarding an American Airlines flight. Shuffling down a narrow airplane aisle during boarding is hard enough. Factor into the equation the flight attendants who often have to serve the first-class passengers during this period and the situation becomes even worse. As I entered the first-class section I noticed an attendant trying to maneuver her way 'upstream' against the flow of traffic with an orange juice in one hand. At one point she had to stop because, quite frankly, a woman with a very large ass was making her way down the aisle. The attendant held the glass in the air so it wouldn't be knocked around(or maybe slurped up by large-ass woman). Unfortunately it was over the head of some hot head in a business suit. After glancing up and seeing what was over his head he immediately turned to face the attendant and in a not so polite manner, ordered her, quite loudly to put the drink down, get away from him, return to her station, and service the passengers after everyone is seated. Heads turned, people stared, and jaws dropped. This guy was rude and arrogant. Personally I think he should have received a little OJ in the face but...that would have been wrong. Visibly upset, the flight attendant moved away from him, delivered her drink, and remained at her station until the flight lifted off. They should have a jerk-class section on airplanes. [half-way interesting aside: the guy sitting in front of the hot-head was Lance Henriksen from the TV show Millennium. Even he seemed appalled at the guy's behavior although he didn't say anything.]

Next, what is the purpose of the hot towel that attendants offer passengers in first class? It usually precedes a meal so I'm guessing that one purpose of the towel is for people to wipe their hands. If this is true then it's a good, sanitary idea and should be offered to all passengers. The environment inside an airplane cabin is pretty unhealthy(see next item). Personally, half the time I recline back, place it over my eyes, and relax until the meals are served.

When will airline companies do something about the bad air in their airplanes? There are times when I can actually smell the funky 'atmosphere' of an airplane while I'm still in the airport standing at an arrival gate and the walkway doors have just opened. I have to turn my head and walk away! Yuck! I'm surprised there hasn't been a major lawsuit from someone over health problems resulting from the non-humidified recycled air on planes. I'll level with you, in my travel bag I carry a face mask that I'll use in cases of extreme funkiness. Call me Michael Jackson but there are times when I'd rather breath my own warm, humid, germ-laden breath than that of others. Passengers are on airplanes are coughing, sneezing, and belching. To make matters worse, one airline company in particular(I won't name them but I will tell you their initials are "AA") loves to serve raw cheese in the coach section as snacks. This is a bad idea. Some of us, particularly the elderly, have no control over what goes on in our lower bowels. Many individuals may not realize that cheese and dairy products are a problem for them. Confining 100 or more people in an aircraft for hours on end with cheese can only lead to problems. I'm sure the pilots are aware of this. That's why they have a door to their section. When I turn to my right and see some octogenarian chomping down on a block of cheddar my respiratory system signals red-alert. Farts and funkiness are only a cough away.

On YaraYara.....

OK. For years now many people have wondered just what YaraYara meant. Some think it is a play on my name(Ray) spelled backwards others think it is some middle eastern term defining tranquillity. Well, to end all of the speculation, here is where it originated:

The real reason why I selected it as the name for my website is because it's unusual. It's a name that is unique and not hard to forget.

On the marketing of dead celebrities.....

John Wayne, Lucille Ball, and Ed Sullivan are all dead. Why are their images currently being used to hock beer and cars? Did they approve? As I understand it their likenesses and images are controlled by their descendants who've apparently given permission for companies to use them. I bet these dead celebrities are rolling over in their graves. Aren't there enough 'living' cultural American icons to use for product endorsements? How do we even know that the 'Duke' really liked Coors? What ever happened to 'Rest In Peace'?

On the US Post Office.....

It's Saturday morning and I'm racing to the post office to mail a package. Why? Because it closes at 12(noon)! Why can't all post offices keep 'normal' business hours on Saturday? Is it really cost efficient to close early. I don't know about your experiences but usually when I arrive late on a Saturday, just before they close, I see a huge line of customers waiting to reach the front counters. In fact, at 11:59am a guy comes out and tells people at the end of the line that they might have to come back on another day. It certainly won't be Sunday. Why? Because they're closed on Sunday! To be fair, I should mention that patrons do have an option of going to the regional headquarters 24 hours a day, 365 days a year if they want to mail a package. This doesn't help if you're trying to pick-up a certified package that's sitting in your local branch. I don't get it. Sunday service is not alien to the Post Office. During the UPS strike there were periods when the mail was actually delivered on Sunday. I feel that the mail should be delivered 7 days a week. I'm sure it would help the economy and I'd be willing to pay a few extra cents for a postage stamp in order to offset any operating costs. Frequently the US Postal Service will raise the price of stamps without producing any visible benefits to citizens. They'll cite 'rising operating costs' as their justification. I say give us some bang for our buck. While I'm on the subject, what is with the commercialization of the US Postal System? The last time I was in a post office it looked like a Warner Brothers/Looney Tune marketing store. Why do they allow this. Just how much money are they receiving from merchandising. What next, Coca-Cola adds on the sides of mail trucks? Although it's not part of the federal budget, the US Postal Service is still a federal agency and should abide by certain guidelines. Gee, I wonder if FedEx or UPS could advertise or merchandise in a post office? Hmmmmmm.........

On conversations with hotel room-service personnel.....

"OK Mr. Cole, here you go......."
"Ummm...thanks."
"You're welcome."
"So Keanu Reeves is staying on the floor above me?"
"Mmmm..hmmmm."
"Did he just arrive today?"
"Yup"
"So, umm....what's he having for dinner?"
"(Smiling)Now you know I'm not supposed to tell you that kind of stuff."
"(Grinning)Awww.....c'mon."
"Well.......he's having the pasta dish with extra garlic."
"Interesting.............."

Next Month:

Find out what I did at COMDEX(Las Vegas)!!

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